18:00 Life as a Lesbian in the Military by Alana M.J. aka DJ Blue Light10.01010
I served in the United States Marine Corps from the years 2001 to 2004. It was truly a journey that changed my life. At the time of joining, I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into…not to bring discredit to the Marines, I just didn’t realize how difficult life was going to be for me as a gay woman. At the time, all I was concerned about was stepping onto a career path. I had no idea that there was even such a thing as the “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy.”
With my own eyes, I saw charges drafted on Marines who were found guilty on homosexual acts. Due to the nature of the charges that I drafted and witnessed, I believe it would be a violation of privacy to go into detail. Therefore I will go into details of my own battles:
Everyone in my unit practiced a heterosexual lifestyle…well at least from what I saw. When I was stationed for a year in Okinawa, Japan, I was usually the only one who was just that..”the only one just chilling out.” I mean, I would go clubbing in clubs on Base, but that was really it. I couldn’t be myself. Then just being an “AG” or just an aggressive gay woman, I couldn’t dress the way I wanted to. And since I refused to dress in tight jeans and the works, I would dress like the male Marines. I also had to “tuck in” my shirt in my pants. We (Marines) are not allowed to walk around with our shirts “un-tucked” even if we were in civilian attire. The gay women in the Army were different; they could dress however hood they wanted..not female Marines. Why? Because Marines have these standards that set us aside from the others, not to mention we are the smallest branch in the U.S armed forces – hence the slogan: “The Few, The Proud, The Marines.” It is also important to note that only 20% of Marines are females.
After coming back to the U.S to my final duty station before receiving my honorable discharge, I spent about two years in San Diego California where I was a Legal Chief at the 12th MCD. There were times where I would just break down and cry because I couldn’t live like I wanted to. I would just go to work, the gym, eat and then back to my quarters. Then call my grandmother and my father and just complain. Thank God I didn’t have a roommate…it would just be too much bad energy for them to deal with. I was just unhappy. Why? Because I couldn’t be me. During events and functions even if I was interested in another girl, I couldn’t bring her to them, because that would be grounds for “disciplinary action” which could have resulted in an administrative separation as well as a general discharge.
My life was just empty…I couldn’t live freely. I felt like I was in a box and had to always creep just because I was gay in the military. Many people ask me after four long years why I left. It’s not that I left, it’s like I was forced to leave indirectly. I was a stellar performer and Marine..always on top of my game. But life as a gay female Marine wasn’t the business for me. You might probably hear people say, “but my home girl is in the military and she’s gay..they don’t give her no problems.” Really? Can she put her girl on her beneficiary package? Can she bring her to balls and functions like she would a man and hold her hands? No. The inability to do such has such a straining psychological effect, that it cannot be imagined. One has to experience to know. God forbid if you get caught in the “act,” yes you do face the possibility of being discharged under a “homosexual conduct.” And that’s exactly what your DD-214 or discharge certificate will read. I know, because one of my best friends who served in the Air Force that now lives in the Bronx received a homosexual discharge. When she told me about it, I said “Dude I’m so sorry you got that.” She said, “Johnson, I’m proud to have received it. Because I can show people that this shit is real.”
Had it not been for the restraints on homosexuality in the U.S military, I would have probably still been a part of it. But my life and being true to myself is what mattered most of all. Much love to the United Stated Marine; I will always be a Marine, but until this country accepts my lifestyle in such organizations, I refused to adapt but I did overcome the struggles that came with it all.
–
Alana M. J.
This was submitted by Alana M.J. aka DJ Blue Light
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Wow… what an amazing blog post. I know how painful it is to feel as though you must hide the true you. Congrats on finding the courage to choose your own happiness over the pressure to please others.
Thank you Nea. I really hope the DADT policy gets turned over. They have lost great men and women all because of this.
[...] qu’ils et elles soient outé-e-s, cette politique les enferme de fait dans le placard. Sur Lez-BeHonest Press [en], Alana M.J., alias DJ Blue Light, raconte le vide qu’elle a ressenti pendant ses années [...]
[...] qu’ils et elles soient outé-e-s, cette politique les enferme de fait dans le placard. Sur Lez-BeHonest Press [en], Alana M.J., alias DJ Blue Light, raconte le vide qu’elle a ressenti pendant ses années de [...]
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